I commented on a Facebook post when the story first aired about the members of Decapitated being arrested for kidnapping.  I quickly opined that “If it is true, it is horrible, or she (the alleged victim) may have had some explaining to do to a significant other or a parent when she got off the bus in California.  I sort of sided with our metal brothers in Decapitated, because I am a fan.  What I didn’t initially consider was that she (the alleged victim) is our metal sister.
While there are two sides to every story, and the truth is generally somewhere in the middle, I should have reserved judgement.

As a woman, it angers me to see victims of rape victimized twice; once in the incident and once in the courts or media.  As a metal fan, and huge fan of Decapitated, I wince to think that they would do such a thing.

Did some members of Decapitated rape a metal sister?  Did a metal sister start out consensual, and then change her mind to “no” (which she was entitled to do at any point) and it was ignored?  Or did she willingly participate, then have guilt and fabricate or exaggerate the story?  It has to be one of these scenarios.  There are only a handful of people who truly know what happened, and I, nor you, are one of them.

As a woman, and a fan of metal, I know to never get on a tour bus alone. I was ripped from, and heavily scolded, once for getting on a tour bus (with two other girls) in an impromptu interview that wasn’t approved or scheduled by a publisher.  Alcohol, confined spaces, and the element of fandom can make people do weird things and go beyond their boundaries.  I was a fan of metal in the 80s, and I know this first hand.

The metal community is small; we are elite.  We think we know each other, and the bands that we love, but with small exception, we don’t.

I had a great friend who shared my love of Venom and Slayer, and he murdered someone.  I had just interviewed As I Lay Dying right before the hitman incident.  After an interview with a death metal band, I posed for a picture with the band and a persistent fan, who later murdered multiple people.   I considered all of these people to be part of my metal family.

Someone made a very big mistake, and everyone involved will be changed forever.  If it is true, as reported by the alleged victim, then her life is forever changed with physical and emotional scars that will run deep for life by a band that she was a fan of.  If it is true, then that fateful decision just killed Decapitated.   If it is not true, Decapitated’s reputation is tarnished, and the backlash from the metal community will be harsh.

When I saw Decapitated a few weeks ago, I commented that it was one of the top five bands I’d seen this year.  I am a huge fan of Decapitated and want to side with the band that I love AND I am a woman and want to side with my metal sister AND I am part of the international metal family and I choose to reserve judgement.